![]() He read their words in ancient diaries, imagining their battles from Shiloh to Sharpsburg he collected their regalia and mementos of battle, and remained as ripped apart in himself as the war had rendered the nation. He was not, and never had been, a soldier he’d bonded with an army of men long dead, wearing their blue uniforms and wring their muskets. He had hoped using such a weapon would lend his action a hint of noble sacrifice, but of course that was folly. ![]() Or so he liked to suggest to his students in the reenactment club. 36 caliber Navy model -had helped the Union to prevail. Their durability and better firepower-the South had preferred the. One hundred fifty thousand of the sidearms had been manufactured during the Civil War. ![]() He’d been staring blankly at his students’ quizzes when he reached down and felt the outline of the gun in his briefcase, the. Best to get it over in a conspicuous place, and what could be more conspicuous than in front of his class? But he knew that would entail a search for a missing person, and although he had been missing from himself for some time, he didn’t wish to be officially designated as such and cause Margaret the extra hardship of agonizing about his whereabouts before his body was found. Drive to the lake or to an isolated and wooded area in the foothills. He’d initially planned to carry out the task after school (though he would have liked to consider it more a deed than a task, imbuing the act around its edges with a corona of historical significance). He’d snidely told Kelsey Dunn to “shut her pie hole” in a moment of frustration at her interrupting his concentration, and sorry, too, that he’d alarmed anyone by warning Matthew Morgan to remain in his seat, afraid the boy would stop him, unable to face the humiliation of remaining alive as “that teacher who’d held the gun to his head.” No illicit love affairs resulting in blackmail, no crushing gambling debts to do himself in over, no terminal illness that he couldn’t bear. People would read between the lines for hints of indiscretion or scandal in his background as to what had motivated him. His picture would appear in the paper, scrutinized for any sign of dementia.
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